You're earring is so big in my mouth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need moral support for this bender
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
