If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
