Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
