k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
