her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
