I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
