You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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