My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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