I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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