ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
