; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
