my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
