No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
