Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
