So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
