Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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