Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
