We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
