It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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