Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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