Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
