How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
