You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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