Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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