Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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