Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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