In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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