I met the friendliest cop last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
