I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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