I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
