Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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