I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
