I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
