Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
