Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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