Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
