Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
