Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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