She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found the puke drawer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
