woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
