Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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