I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
