I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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