So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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