I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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