just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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