i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
