i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
