I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
