She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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