..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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