drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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