I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
