I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i now understand why vodka
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
