is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
