I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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